A woman dressed as a man

The other day I was going to the gym clad in an overly large tshirt that could double as a dress, and boring grey leggings. My hair was up in an unbecoming bun. Basically I was looking like a box
in my over-large tshirt and my hair certainly wasn't prom-queen worthy, and not one inch of my skin was exposed except for my face(even my palms were covered)

I was at my ugly best and then, something surprising happened. I got cat-called by a group of guys. I was flabbergasted and wondered what those guys must be thinking when they looked at me. Now don't get me wrong, I was angry. In fact I was so angry that thought of giving them the finger or bashing their heads in with a large stone. But I decided against it, somehow scared if they turned out to be crazy stalkers and decided to take their revenge. But despite that anger, I felt something akin to immense surprise. And then I had a startling epiphany. If those guys could cat-call a girl who looked like spongebob squarepants with ugly hair, then they didn't care what clothes she wore. You just had to be a girl or had to look like one to get their attention.

I went home and forgot about it. But just a few hours ago I came upon the Zainab rape case story and was shaken by the magnitude of the situation. I did some research and the result of my research was that no woman was safe from rape. I gathered that, whether you were a four year old little munchkin or an eighty year old grandma with false teeth, a normal person or a celebrity, a girl with rapunzel hair or a shiny bald head; if you are born without a weiner you are a potential rape or sexual assault victim. A girl completely bundled up from head to toe, is as susceptible to assault as one in her birthday suit(umm, maybe less, but the danger still persists).
So I decided to compile a list of things a girl can do to escape from the danger of being assaulted altogether.

Number 1: Be the Queen of England.
Let's face it, she is the safest woman on planet earth.

Number 2: Get superpowers.
Honestly I don't see anyone daring to touch Wonder-woman

Number 3: Take Kung-fu classes from Jackie Chan.
Anyone who can fight like Jackie chan can have such sleazeballs running with their tails between their legs.

Number 4: Dress like a man(convincingly)
This is the easiest of the four. It is time to take an example from the suffragets in Victorian England. They disguised as men for casting votes, but we'll do it for personal safety. There's just one hiccup. Nowadays even men are sexually assaulted. Sounds like a cruel world doesn't it? Well it is cruel.

Only the fittest survives. In this case, you literally have to be fit. I was really not kidding about the kung-fu. Maybe learning it from Jackie Chan is a long shot, but learning any kind of self -defense can go a long way in getting you out of nightmarish situations.

People say that making the law more stringent is the one stop solution. Well I agree and disagree. Scientific studies say that people are more spurred on to do things that are forbidden. Some might be more instigated to do things that are more dangerous and have really bad punishments. And besides, punishment comes after the crime is committed. What about the self-esteem of the person who has just been assaulted? The only preventive measure we can take is to strengthen our children(BOTH sons and daughters) mentally and physically.

So just slapping on a beard and putting on a suit won't get the work done girls. You'll actually have to practise kicking some arse to actually ensure safety. Happy kicking!

Hey guys,
I'm back after a really really long sabbatical from writing articles. I promise you that I'll be consistent again(or atleast that is what point number 5 on my new year resolution list says) Anyway this Zainab case really provoked me to write something about the long prevailing issue of sexual assault. The reason I took a satirical route to express my views is that I've tried writing heavy articles about such issues and no one reads after a certain point. They're all bored because there are tons of articles about all this in the newspapers. I wanted to get my views across to as many people as possible. Be happy and stay safe. Happy new year!
Lots of love,
Tanvi x

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  1. Wow!!!! Too good.Very thought provoking.Keep going.

  2. Witty and hard hitting with that added tinge of humor and sarcasm! A brilliant satire. Absolutely wonderful writing Tanvi! Welcome to tye club! Expecting more such articles from you!

    1. Thanks a lot Neeraj. Means a lot coming from a person who writes such mindblowing satire❤

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